Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
