You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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