u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
