Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
