The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
