im drinking this country out of the recession.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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