I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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