when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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