Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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