My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
