Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
