I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
