my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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