Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
