we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
