Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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