I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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