I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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