I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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