how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
