he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Couch. On fire.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
