Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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