Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize