don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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