Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
