we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
