eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
