He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
