My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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