she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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