I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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