We're facebook friends in real life
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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