Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
