When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
