You're my little dorito
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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