I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
