I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
