someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
