when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
