It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
