about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You made out with two different species that night
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
