is your mom at the bar?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
