how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My bed smells like the plague
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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