So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
