That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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