Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize