Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
