I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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