I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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