Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
