I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i believe in u and ur pee
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