69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
