He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
