Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
