I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
