Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
