Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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