I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you traded sex for a burrito?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize