I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
