Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just threw up on my dentist
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
