You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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