he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
