I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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