She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
