I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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