the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
