The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
