Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
