The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
