I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
time to smoke my breakfast
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need water and some morals
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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