I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
