first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
