I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
