she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
